Interview - St. Pat’s Day 2008 Special Interview
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Hello all, it’s Bonnie. We have a huge St. Patrick’s day treat for you. By a lucky twist of fate involving a rainbow and a leprechaun who was too busy picking his nose to pay attention to what was going on around him, we are able to bring you an exclusive interview with one of the wee folk. I had to ask all of the questions, as Mike was busy holding on to the little fellow. For the record, leprechauns bite. Also for the record, so does Mike when he’s provoked.
Bonnie: What’s your full name?
Leprechaun: Ach, screw oof weal ye? Ye’ll ne’r be gettin’ yer dearty guttersnipe claws an me pot o’… oh. Oh, me name? It be Mickey Seamus Colin, O’Flannery Thomas McDougal O’Kennedy James William… oh, nay… James Jack Jimmy William O’Keefe MacGuinness Eamon Bombadil Yeats. O’course, tha’ be jes’ me faerst name, but it saerves fer mos’ paeple. Nice tae meet ye, lass.
B: Are you a cobbler by trade, or are you involved in a non traditional lifestyle?
MSCOTMOJJJWOMEBY: Weal, y’knoo, one a’da pearks a’ bean mag’cal, as ‘twer, is da I needn’ rightly be involved in wha’ ya’d call a reg’lar trade, assuch. Mainly I jus’ sarty room da countryside settin off random actsa rainbowism an’ weetin’ aroond far feolk tae come an’ try tae rob me. Tis sart of a low overhead life, ye’d say.
B: What’s up with the giant shoe buckles, anyway?
MSCOTMOJJJWOMEBY: Ne’r bean a lo’er o’ da tings, meself, but ye’knoo, it’s parta da setup. Cowboys gotta belt buckles, cops gotta badges, UPS Drivers got dem booty sharts, and we got shoe buckles. The Union says wear ‘em, so I wear ‘em.
B: Could we get some treasure? Pot of gold, perhaps?
MSCOTMOJJJWOMEBY: Why ye ….. (Editors note: What followed was too profane and crude for publication. It can be summed up essentially as “No.”)
B: Fine then, what about three wishes?
MSCOTMOJJJWOMEBY: Why ye ….. (Editors note: What followed was too profane and crude for publication. It can be summed up essentially as “Do I look like a frackin’ genie in a lamp to you?”)
B: Who is your favorite Celtic band?
MSCOTMOJJJWOMEBY: Ah, love, did nae one tell ye? All o’da Celts died oot, musta been a billion years agoo. They be na’ playin’ much in d’way o’ music ‘naemar.
B: Did you get a chance to see the Brobdingnagian Bards when they were in Ireland?
MSCOTMOJJJWOMEBY: Weere dey da pair o’ geeks wha’ had d’weird flute and d’funny string box? Wouldya believe da man has da naerve ta call dat ting a harp? Yah, I seen ‘em makin’ a ruckus all o’er me bog wi’thar group o’ tourists. Ye see ‘em, ye tell ‘em…. (Editors note: What followed was too profane and crude for publication. It can be summed up essentially as “Stay out of my bog.”)
We had planned to ask a few more questions, but unfortunately at this point Mickey Seamus Colin O’Flannery Thomas McDougal O’Kennedy James Jack Jimmy William O’Keefe MacGuinness Eamon Bombadil Yeats managed to apply a knee to a delicate part of Mike’s anatomy, and in the ensuing melee he vanished. That left me with a room full of shamrocks to sweep up, and Mike nursing assorted bruises and bite marks. We go to great lengths to provide our readers with the very best in interviews and reviews! (And complete blarney.) We hope you have a great St. Patrick’s day!
- The Celtophilacs
